What are You Skipping?

How do you move from Point A to Point B.? If you are working on a goal or destination, how do you try to get there? Generally, we all tend to think the best method is to do it as quickly (and painlessly) as possible. We are in a hurry. We just want the result. Now. Right?

I’ve been thinking of this in a few different ways lately. First of all, it is February and this is the month that typically brings the end to any and all New Year resolutions and goals. By this time, folks have gotten frustrated, bored or just exasperated that they haven’t “gotten there” yet. It’s been all of six weeks and the majority of people have made their attempt and thought they could go from their starting point and get to the destination with ease, probably with very little discomfort and by skipping over all of the in between, basically sailing right to the gold medal.

Sorry friend, it just doesn’t work that way. It doesn’t matter what the journey is . . .

If it is a health journey, you can’t expect to create a new lifestyle without taking the necessary steps to create new habits, leave unhealthy habits, establish new rituals and ways of thinking. This takes time and work, and several steps to move forward on that journey. If you try to create your new health journey with just going on some new, restrictive diet, then you are basically, trying to go from a starting point to an ending point without doing all the necessary work in between. And guess what happens? When the diet is over, you probably go back your old lifestyle and habits and end up right where you started. Tell me this has not happened to you . . .

You can’t skip the in between stuff.

And this is the same in other areas of life.

Who learns to play the piano with only three lessons, to speak Spanish in a week, tackles a new yoga pose with one class or goes from walking to running 26.2 miles in two weeks? Maybe a unicorn but these things typically do not happen without practice and doing the work in the middle to get to the point of proficiency.

I remember going into my third son’s Senior year. We had experienced a hard loss the year before when his dad died. I dreaded all of the firsts that would come during that year. In many ways I especially dreaded this senior year. (This is not something I am proud to admit, but it goes to show that this mindset can touch all areas of our lives). All I wanted to do was fast forward past all the Senior year things and move to the next thing. To get him settled. To move past. I knew there would be so many painful moments - all those special senior times, the sport events, dances, concerts, competitions, photo moments and graduation. All these things would be experiences that he would experience without his dad and I did not want to do those hard things. I just wanted to skip over the entire year. Of course, it is impossible to physically skip events, memories and an entire year.

I had to make the decision to NOT skip out in other ways, emotionally and mentally. I had to make the decision to not only be there, but to really be there, truly be present and do the hard work to get through the milestone moments -to feel and process the pain, not only for me, but for my son. And it was good. Of course there were really hard times, but there were also beautiful times.

Skipping the steps and milestones means missing all the real work and the real work is what brings the results and the real growth.

Think about any intentions or changes you decided to make for 2022. Remember those, way back in January? Dust them back off. Look at them with a new attitude if they got too hard or got lost in your desire to just get to the end result. If you want to “be healthy” you have to begin with a few small steps, master those then move on to the next. The process of building the steps, training your brain and your body is not a one and done. And if you skip the small building blocks (say by going on a crazy diet or going from the couch to a 10 mile run in a day) you miss out on all the foundation that make you stronger, smarter and more confident. That growth helps propel you forward to your end destination. You’ve heard slow and steady wins the race? It’s so true!

I am not a fan of winter. If you know me, you definitely know that about me. I am a Spring and Summer girl all day long. I would be completely fine to bypass winter. Skipping January and February, personally, would be my wish, but these seemingly long, dark couple of months are really important. Winter is a time we become more of a homebody, we hibernate a little bit. We do more reading, have more cozy nights at home, enjoy warm comfort foods, and the shorter days make us slow down a little more. We need the winter seasons, the cold, dark times that bring the slowness, the quiet and the rest. This is where we learn to bundle up to bear the cold, learn to adapt to the frigid, learn to withstand the dark, and find ways to cozy up by the fire, and nurture with healing comfort foods. We need these seasons in our life too. At some point we will all experience a winter season. If we try to bypass the season and jump forward to the Spring, it means we have not processed and grown through in a healthy way. As King Solomon so wisely said, “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven. . . “ Ecclesiastes 3:1.

So, looking at your journey, regardless of what it is, how are you trying to get there? Are you in it for the long haul? Are you prepared to go through the steps, the hard times, the ups and downs to get to your destination? That slow and steady journey will get you where you are going. During the journey you get to experiment, try new things, figure out what works for you and what doesn’t. Some experiments may fail, some growth may be painful, but that’s where you will see the progress and the change. The win is If you allow yourself to go through and not skip.

be well!

MD 💚