Where Is Your Identity . . . in this season?

I was reading something the other day and the topic was how we identify ourselves.  The message, in a nutshell, was that we are more than what we do.  We know that message, right? 

It is not a new thought, but what is one of the first questions you ask someone when you meet?  Typically, it’s “What do you do?”

And why is that? 

At different times in my life that question left me incredibly frustrated.  I never felt as if I had the right answer. 

During the time I was a working mom I could answer with my job title and where I was working at the time.  That answer always left me feeling a little flat, and guilty.  I had that mom guilt that covered me like a blanket.

Later, when I was working part-time or when I was spending more time at home with our three boys, but working “on the side” teaching fitness classes and training clients, I was still stumped at how to answer that question.  I felt guilty whether I was answering that I was a working mom, a stay at home mom, or doing both.  (And I’ll admit that guilt thing is just something I took on myself.  I wish I had been better at embracing where I was at the time and had not struggled so with worrying about what  others thought of  my work/mom/life decisions or compared myself to those around me)  But I always felt that I couldn’t really provide a real answer as to who I was by merely answering where I worked at the time.

These days I can still struggle with that question when asked.  Sometimes I have no idea what to say I do!  Mainly because I do different things, so where do I start?  I don’t like to feel boxed by just saying I’m a lawyer, because I love all the time I have spent in health and fitness, teaching, writing this blog, and I  love working with women and the coaching. . . .I can definitely prattle on about all of it. (:

So, if you are asked that question right now, how would you answer, and how would you feel?

Because I think there is a better question. 

We are more than what we do daily.  We  are more  than what we do to make a living.  We  are more than our job.  Many people work at a job.  Many people work  at a career.  And some work at a love or  passion.  Regardless of that, that job  does not define who you are as a person, does not explain your likes and dislikes, may not showcase your gifts and talents, or provide a place for you heart and soul. 

For this reason, I think we need to ask a better question. 

Many of you reading this are around my age.  This means you may be in your second season, or at least  looking toward that time.  Your children, if you have them, are more independent, meaning less dependent on you  (which is the goal).  Some of your friends (and maybe you) are looking to slowing down, making a change or even retirement.  Perhaps you are not retired or retiring but have made a pivot post pandemic, or because it was simply the time to do so.  If you are a mom, your role has  changed and you may now be finding and creating a new role for yourself. 

So many people during this stage in life find themselves in new circumstances, perhaps newly single, whether by choice  or  circumstance, find themselves in the middle of taking care of aging parents or now without your parents or with an emptier and quieter home and less responsibilities. Either way you find yourself in new territory.  You are doing different things and becoming a different person.  It can be that how you plan your time and what you plan to do on these days is quite different than what you had imagined.

No offense, but these days, I want to know more about you than what you do.  (and you may be like me and have more than one “thing” you do)  Because, for the majority of you, there will be  more of you  - in this new season. You may now be able to redefine your time, your passions and perhaps rediscover gifts that had been left on the shelf or find new ones.

How exciting is that?  And how interesting and lovely to know that when the time comes,  you can be, and are more than your job. 

On the flip side, if you have only ever identified yourself through your career and your daily grind, then now may be the time to begin a wonderful discovery.  You can have a second season as the opportunity to bring back some of those hobbies you haven’t made time for and you can create new hobbies or activities you love.

There is more and you are more.  What you do or want to do, has shifted a bit.  It may be new and a challenge, but think about how exhilarating it will be to answer that new question. . . .

What do you enjoy doing? 

How do you spend your time?

What do you enjoy?

What lights you up?

Where do you spend your energy?

What are your passions?

Such fun and much more interesting

questions.  Don’t you think?

I hope you have a great week. Asl always, I love hearing from you!

Are you stumped about this new identity thing? Wondering about your new season? Feeling caught? Hit reply to this email and we can talk.

Be Well!

M-D💚